Sunday, May 17, 2015

So it's been a while since I last wrote here.

 A very LONG while. I've been so busy the past three years. And I dropped off blogging in favor of FB .

 You can't beat the instant interaction there. But also something else snuck up to me. This Friday, is my SEVENTH surgery day. It's been seven years since I got my robot ear.

 A long time, isn't it?

 But it's also  my fourth cancerversary. Few friends know that I found my tumor on my own, on a day  that for me was a happy day. A day that started my journey into something new.  And a day that I had to swallow a bitter pill as well. Because, yes, I have a surgery day for my mastectomy, but I consider that journey started from the moment I touched it.

 You can't describe the joy of hearing.

 You also can't describe the panic of the what if it's cancer?

 You can't describe the thought of feeling like your life started with hearing better than before.

 You can't describe the thought of death - because that's what you think when cancer comes in your mind.

 Yes, I can hear. Yes, I'm here. Yes, I love hearing. Yes, I found the tumor early and I've had a happy ending with that.

 But...I've gotten to both wanting for May to come here, and dreading it as well. It's a bitter thing to have.

 Before, I ignored it. I used to say, "so, what? I'm not the first, and neither I'll be the last one"

 Today, I'm facing it, and I'm embracing it. Because the day will always hold both sweet and bitter memories for me,  but, I'm lucky.

 I've gotten a lot of amazing things.

 I've gotten some amazing friends. Some are near, some are far, some are in the far flung corners of the world. Some have a robot ear or two , like me. Some are just genuinely hearing. Some wear HA's. Some have been through the same breast cancer journey as me. And , I've gotten some amazing friends, whom I consider my second family. Wherever they are, they're in my favorites list on my phone. I always reach out to them.

 I've gotten some amazing trips. Some memories that I'll hold dear. Some conversations I'll hold dear. (Hi Kasigirl , whenever you are! )

 The biggest gift I have is the love I receive, and it's the most beautiful gift!

 I thought I'd start this blog with describing how I found my tumor, but it ended up in a completely different vein. And that's ok.

 Just try to be happy, each of you, K? and do your annual check ups. They're done for a reason.