I need to vent...

I just need to get it off..

Sometimes some days are GREAT with my CI.

Others are not so great but I cope.Because I want to hear!


Some days I'm so thankful for the chance to hear again and to be able , just today , to discriminate some words from the tv.Or other things on other days.

But my progress has been slow and frustrating.Maybe my audie needs to get a better map for me.Maybe he isn't competent enough.Maybe I'm just one of the tricky patients.Or maybe I should speak up more on mapping points.

Another aspect is that nobody warns you about the changes , transitions.Not the ones from the sound , but the change from Hearing aids to CI BTE's.

I went from a Widex hearing aid Senso+ P38 ( I don't know how powerful it was , but I had it for 10 years , and it worked well for me.Served me well.Before that I couldn't even imagine talking on the phone , not to mention other things. ) which I have still in a drawer , in it's case , like I used to do every night.I can't even give it away to Lion's Heart or something similar, just to help people , because I'm still emotionally attached to it.

I still expect to wear my Senso, even if I'm 16 months implanted , and going.

But I also remember one thing clearly.That my hearing aid used to be so light.I couldn't feel it at all.

Or maybe I'm not attached to my CI yet.Maybe it is because it's so troublesome.Or it is maybe because I had it less than two years.( For anyone wondering , I'm just a person that doesn't do anything if she's not emotionally attached to it.Just because.Especially when it comes to something that I will have for life.)

When my CI was on my ear , it was still SO numb that I couldn't feel the weight.You see , I was activated soon after CI op ( something close to 3-7 days , I can't remember , and I can't be bothered right now to check )

I was feeling like my ear was going down a few days later.No , my actual ear , not my hearing.That's when I googled on CI blogs.I found an unimaginable trove of information , and a lot more.Before my CI operation I had logged on CI brands homepages and researched.My choice was obvious , because I didn't like MEDEL ( it was the only other option offered to me ) and I tried to contact the CI people in Greece.We even have a club.Which, is not active.the webpage wasn't even functional.their forum wouldn't let you register.UGH!

When I heard that activation abroad was a month later , I was floored.I also started to suspect that my early activation might be the culprit for all my ear troubles.

Because when I'm pulling my CI , I don't feel relieved because I can relax.Or that I can have some peace.I feel relieved , well , because I think , there goes the weight off my ear.

I tried the shoulderworn approach.It was very helpful and useful.( Thanks Kylie ) but , I'm so used to wear something on my ear that I don't feel right.Also that isn't workable anymore because I lost both of my pouches that Kylie generously provided me.

I decided to order a Snugfit when I went to get my controller replaced.The office that represents Cochlear in Greece , didn't have any in stock.It had only a child sized pair.They had to order some from Switzerland.I ordered a brown large pair.They wanted to be paid upfront.I told them I will pay on delivery because I need my money for going back home ( I was on Athens after having to see Rachel off from airport ).Also I had dealt with other companies like these that always promised delivery , got your money , and then they couldn't even recall the order.UGH.So they promised to deliver it.I ordered them to be delivered at my parents home, so they can sign it off and get it.Because of my mapping that I can't hear my $^%& doorbell to get the delivery.And on the estimated dates , I was supposed to be on a day trip somewhere.

Well big surprise here.The snugfit , two weeks later hasn't been delivered either here or my parents' home.They promised a four day delivery at the very least.

and today I snapped.My ear started again tingling and stating that it had enough.I got CI off, switched it off , twisted controller off and wore it again like that.Just the processor, without the controller part.And I feel like bliss , but I also feel like I want to hear.And that drives me crazy.

I can wear the full BTE for four to five hours without my ear complaining.After that all bets are off.

I even go without CI when I'm home , just to not have to think about it.Everybody that has seen me , can attest to it.

I always planned to get a babyworn cord , because here in Greece we don't have backup CI's.And I like being able to get the BTE when I go out.But somehow , it gets on the backburner.I have to pay for that bill.I have to repair something.

Maybe I had a bad week and I'm getting it off on the CI.Who knows.The thing that I know right now is that my ear approves from just the processor on the ear , that says that is just right.

Maybe Cochlear should provide with everything in their box.Even a babyworn even if it's for adults box.Snugfits.

Some insurances won't cover for anything else except the CI operation you see.And CI's are expensive.

Even the Coil costs double the price here.Even the setup for Babyworn.

and I'm back on plain batteries because I shouldn't have brought my charger in that sucky hotel.Now it's not working right , and I found it was the power cord which needs to get replaced.

My coil is giving signs of dying out , it starts to crackle.Thankfully someone sent me a free coil a while ago, out of her heart's goodness.Hi yourself if you're reading that!

I also want to pay someone back , but my bank is giving me trouble with paying back abroad.

I also had a nightmare experience when I had to go to a private practice to get my teeth x-rayed.I had to get a front and a side xray.I removed my CI.Immediately my ear went like WHEW the weight is off.That just made me feel inadequate.and I couldn't hear.Then I was told in no uncertain terms that I have to remove my glasses.Well , I removed them.The lady kept talking to me.I couldn't see her clearly enough to lipread so I put them back on.She was cross.I told her that I'm deaf already, and without my glasses , I'm all but blind as I can't see her well enough to lipread her.She was cross but I stood my ground.She finally saw my point so I sat on the xray machine while she directed me.when I was all set she went you can get them off.I got them off , but the little squabble added to my frustration.I was pleasant and everything , but inside I was fuming to myself for feeling inadequate enough.

At least I scared the xray people with seeing a cord thing in my side xray.That was the ground wire or the electrode.LOL.The doctor came back outside and asked me what the hell was that did I wear anything on my hair.Then he stopped on his tracks as he saw my hair was so short that no ornament could have sat there.I told him about CI operation and raised some awareness.He was interested to learn that.He wanted to ask more but he had to xray more people.*smile*
And I had to pay in the front desk for the xrays.*grumble*

Greece has a lot of expensive things AND bureaucracy.

Right now I just want to forget where I'm living.To forget that I have the farmer's insurance in Greece , which is the WORSE insurance in Greece.It won't even cover ANY of my dental plans ( much less any of CI related stuff , except for CI operation ) , and I discovered it this afternoon , it definitely won't cover the braces I need.Or the wisdom teeth removal that I'll go under in Nov.So my family has to fork over the money , just because.

Whew , I feel a lot better.But I also don't want to burden anyone else.Sorry.But I just want to take it off.

I just hope tomorrow will be in a positive way.Or I just had a particular bad day.

CI relationship status?

Since Kylie dearest sent me two pouches and a long coil , I've been utilizing them as needed..

It's a choreography..when I'm about to go walking for losing weight , I'll pull on the pouch and long coil.

When I'm about to go to college , I'll wear the long coil for the ride with pushes and shoves, and will switch to short one when I'm in my seat.Off it goes to the way back.

When I had to cook I used the short coil with an hairband that I have , and sent Lissy the same too.Long coil sometimes flies off and dangles.It goes on again for me to do the washing up.

I have a special pocket in my bag,it houses the music cord , and whichever coil I'm not wearing , a pack of six pack batteries , and a battery cage , and also the 2nd charged to go rechargeable for my CI.Oh , and the hands free for my cell phone , which connects to my music cord so I can make and HEAR calls.

Anyway , back to subject.CI isn't only for the active life , like Kylie mentions , it's also for the pack mules.LOL , yeah , you heard me right! I was armed for my short weekend away ,laptop bag on back , usual bag at my front , carrying a non-wheelie suitcase.Which was HEAVY.Ahem , lopsided.

If I had short coil I'd had tucked away the CI, in my bag, I'm not willing to lose it.

Long coil , no problem.I carried everything.Coil flipped off couple times and I didn't even made a wild grab , to let anything drop , or make me inattentive to road hazards.I just waited till I was in safe ground , and calmly popped it into place.It gave me a feeling of peaceful.Stress levels alarmingly low , like my HA.

And that put me in thought.

When I was first activated , I hated it.I loved it.Can u say confused? Missed my HA.Terribly.I didn't miss it too much either.For a few weeks I was going around with a piece of felt wool , replacing feeling of earmold.I had felt like they had gotten something away for me.And I eventually broke of the habit , when I started to get ridiculed.

But I hated the weight of CI..it was bulky.Weighty.My ear was sore.I wore it when I had to , and didn't wore it at home , trying to get my poor ear a break.

I also hated CI for the hole it made in my pocket with batteries.With my HA , it was just a pack of batteries every month.Now I ate through them like crazy , I'd need a 60 pack a month.Suddenly I was overwhelmed.I also kept losing new or old pieces of em , crawling in places to get them.Yes, I've even tried to crawl into driver's cubicle in college bus.The old ones always went to recycle.

As you see , I hated CI with passion , and I loved it with equal passion for almost to up to a year.

Now I just find myself , not only thanks to Kylie for her solution , but for my own choreography.For opting into rechargeables, and , yes , I'm aware they 'll die in a years' time , but in the meantime I've have already invested into another pair of them.

Today I heard a bit of scrounching , which was when the bus driver put his foot down to start the bus gently.

Pre pouch , I'd always be deaf , jostling made me fearing to lose it.Now I just don't care.

I managed to hear more sounds today than any other time , and the whole day I had gone shoulder way.I slept on the train with CI on so I could hear my stop announcing.I had a nap with it on and heard my cell phone going off , a text to go out , to have fun.

In the Metro ( tube for anyone that can't understand ) I could hear BOTH in Greek and English the announcements for each stop.And I wasn't EVEN paying attention.

A few months ago , when I 'd remove my CI I'd feel relief.Flooded with it for finally it the time to get it into the Dry n Store and feel like I wasn't in hyperdrive anymore.With not having to put up with it any more.

Now , when I remove it, I just feel a sense of loss , taking a sense away from me.When the battery finishes on it s own , and I won't replace it as it's already bedtime, I feel lost.

Now if tinnitus wasn't welcoming in both sides of that world , I'd finally get a bit of decent sleep.I've managed some brief pockets here and there , but nothing more than a week.

I find myself in the position to say..I did choose well with the naming of that blog.It's fitting.Sound of Cochlear Implant.

It's something so precious , and so simple too in the same time!