Summer is coming...

I haven't posted for 3 months..bad me!

I'll do a bullet update again

• Braces : I get them tightened every month.Got the last tightening yesterday and it's been the most painful since I got them.Orthodentist ( is that even a word? ) said since I was doing really well and they got straighter so soon that he'll tighten them a bit more than last time.And I let him.What was I thinking?!?! I couldn't even eat my soft spaghetti.Thank god for ice - cream!!!
  
• CI : I recently got toupee tape from Tammy ( she also included some cables that Aiden didn't need any more , aww , I want to thank her so so so much! ) and since then it's been a charm.The sunglasses pose a problem though sometimes.I don't like lopsided.Oh well cant have everything I guess.On the battery issue I posted a while back - my brown battery got broken the same way - grey prongs off!And it's off warranty.And...I don't have any money to get new one...*sigh* it does work though if I tape it.
  
• Speech therapy : We're doing some oral motor stuff , and AVT stuff.So far , I can pick more things , but I can tell I need a mapping , and soon.Haven't gone since last year ( at my 8 month actually ) , and I celebrated my 2nd hearing birthday few days ago..But , again , I don't like change much , and I don't want to go to my audie since I don't like him.Other people here love him , but it doesn't take much in my book to dislike someone. Phone exercise gets frustrating though.I don't have anyone to exercise at home , and speech's phone ( a wireless one ) sounds really tinny sometimes.Plus , on my previous mapping I could understand my mom on the phone.Nada now.And I don't speak up as often as I should.My online friends will find that weird ,but in life I'm terribly shy.I speak yes , but I don't stand up for myself and let people talk/walk over me , claiming they know best for me.
• N5 : It finally came to Greece in late April , and I went to see it up close 2 weeks ago.it seemed so TINY and thin!! I tried it on my ear and it was like , whoa , I feel like I don't wear much.it was a welcome change from bulky freedom.I did ask a lot of questions at private CI centre , and they told me that it won't get approved since my insurance will not do it till warranty on my Freedom has run out, and they take the extending one too,so it won't be for 5 yrs(I've done 2 of them though..another three to go, and by then , Cochlear might have something better anyway... ) .urgh.I asked the price of one , to get it maybe privately.Not gonna happen since the price is 10,500€ and it's a bit too much.I maybe could get a loan , but not possible right now since I don't have a job.I really wish I could do it though.
• Blogging : Sorry I slacked , but I follow all your blogs faithfully , and follow most of you through FB and I prefer to comment on there.Or Skype,emailing :) I do have a story to tell , but sometimes I feel shy and don't write.Maybe I should do write.We'll see.
• CI art : There was some wanting on FB for CI art , and I made some clay items and submitted them , which are posted here.
• CI moments : I've had a lot of them , but the most profound one was when I skyped someone on video , and I heard her asking me " How are you ? " in English, when my first language is Greek , and I haven't trained in English since , I want to master Greek first.It was a bit overwhelming to catch that , even if it was a bit crackly.

But even if I don't respond..or be as involved in the blogworld as I used to be..I still share my moments with CI friends , people that were with me since this long journey started.Since I got in this...I've done amazing things.I changed , and let myself wonder at the miracle of hearing BETTER , listening, reconnecting, connecting with people.I've made a great network of great friends , and some closer ones.I value each one's friendship , and be amazed abt that too.Amazed for hearing a sound, and few moments later , FB-ing it , only to get cheered up , and feel more happy thinking , I've got people that they 'get' it.They care.And they're in corners of the world.Singapore, USA , UK , Germany , NZ , Australia.Far flung corners( at least for me! ).

Hugz!

I need to vent...

I just need to get it off..

Sometimes some days are GREAT with my CI.

Others are not so great but I cope.Because I want to hear!


Some days I'm so thankful for the chance to hear again and to be able , just today , to discriminate some words from the tv.Or other things on other days.

But my progress has been slow and frustrating.Maybe my audie needs to get a better map for me.Maybe he isn't competent enough.Maybe I'm just one of the tricky patients.Or maybe I should speak up more on mapping points.

Another aspect is that nobody warns you about the changes , transitions.Not the ones from the sound , but the change from Hearing aids to CI BTE's.

I went from a Widex hearing aid Senso+ P38 ( I don't know how powerful it was , but I had it for 10 years , and it worked well for me.Served me well.Before that I couldn't even imagine talking on the phone , not to mention other things. ) which I have still in a drawer , in it's case , like I used to do every night.I can't even give it away to Lion's Heart or something similar, just to help people , because I'm still emotionally attached to it.

I still expect to wear my Senso, even if I'm 16 months implanted , and going.

But I also remember one thing clearly.That my hearing aid used to be so light.I couldn't feel it at all.

Or maybe I'm not attached to my CI yet.Maybe it is because it's so troublesome.Or it is maybe because I had it less than two years.( For anyone wondering , I'm just a person that doesn't do anything if she's not emotionally attached to it.Just because.Especially when it comes to something that I will have for life.)

When my CI was on my ear , it was still SO numb that I couldn't feel the weight.You see , I was activated soon after CI op ( something close to 3-7 days , I can't remember , and I can't be bothered right now to check )

I was feeling like my ear was going down a few days later.No , my actual ear , not my hearing.That's when I googled on CI blogs.I found an unimaginable trove of information , and a lot more.Before my CI operation I had logged on CI brands homepages and researched.My choice was obvious , because I didn't like MEDEL ( it was the only other option offered to me ) and I tried to contact the CI people in Greece.We even have a club.Which, is not active.the webpage wasn't even functional.their forum wouldn't let you register.UGH!

When I heard that activation abroad was a month later , I was floored.I also started to suspect that my early activation might be the culprit for all my ear troubles.

Because when I'm pulling my CI , I don't feel relieved because I can relax.Or that I can have some peace.I feel relieved , well , because I think , there goes the weight off my ear.

I tried the shoulderworn approach.It was very helpful and useful.( Thanks Kylie ) but , I'm so used to wear something on my ear that I don't feel right.Also that isn't workable anymore because I lost both of my pouches that Kylie generously provided me.

I decided to order a Snugfit when I went to get my controller replaced.The office that represents Cochlear in Greece , didn't have any in stock.It had only a child sized pair.They had to order some from Switzerland.I ordered a brown large pair.They wanted to be paid upfront.I told them I will pay on delivery because I need my money for going back home ( I was on Athens after having to see Rachel off from airport ).Also I had dealt with other companies like these that always promised delivery , got your money , and then they couldn't even recall the order.UGH.So they promised to deliver it.I ordered them to be delivered at my parents home, so they can sign it off and get it.Because of my mapping that I can't hear my $^%& doorbell to get the delivery.And on the estimated dates , I was supposed to be on a day trip somewhere.

Well big surprise here.The snugfit , two weeks later hasn't been delivered either here or my parents' home.They promised a four day delivery at the very least.

and today I snapped.My ear started again tingling and stating that it had enough.I got CI off, switched it off , twisted controller off and wore it again like that.Just the processor, without the controller part.And I feel like bliss , but I also feel like I want to hear.And that drives me crazy.

I can wear the full BTE for four to five hours without my ear complaining.After that all bets are off.

I even go without CI when I'm home , just to not have to think about it.Everybody that has seen me , can attest to it.

I always planned to get a babyworn cord , because here in Greece we don't have backup CI's.And I like being able to get the BTE when I go out.But somehow , it gets on the backburner.I have to pay for that bill.I have to repair something.

Maybe I had a bad week and I'm getting it off on the CI.Who knows.The thing that I know right now is that my ear approves from just the processor on the ear , that says that is just right.

Maybe Cochlear should provide with everything in their box.Even a babyworn even if it's for adults box.Snugfits.

Some insurances won't cover for anything else except the CI operation you see.And CI's are expensive.

Even the Coil costs double the price here.Even the setup for Babyworn.

and I'm back on plain batteries because I shouldn't have brought my charger in that sucky hotel.Now it's not working right , and I found it was the power cord which needs to get replaced.

My coil is giving signs of dying out , it starts to crackle.Thankfully someone sent me a free coil a while ago, out of her heart's goodness.Hi yourself if you're reading that!

I also want to pay someone back , but my bank is giving me trouble with paying back abroad.

I also had a nightmare experience when I had to go to a private practice to get my teeth x-rayed.I had to get a front and a side xray.I removed my CI.Immediately my ear went like WHEW the weight is off.That just made me feel inadequate.and I couldn't hear.Then I was told in no uncertain terms that I have to remove my glasses.Well , I removed them.The lady kept talking to me.I couldn't see her clearly enough to lipread so I put them back on.She was cross.I told her that I'm deaf already, and without my glasses , I'm all but blind as I can't see her well enough to lipread her.She was cross but I stood my ground.She finally saw my point so I sat on the xray machine while she directed me.when I was all set she went you can get them off.I got them off , but the little squabble added to my frustration.I was pleasant and everything , but inside I was fuming to myself for feeling inadequate enough.

At least I scared the xray people with seeing a cord thing in my side xray.That was the ground wire or the electrode.LOL.The doctor came back outside and asked me what the hell was that did I wear anything on my hair.Then he stopped on his tracks as he saw my hair was so short that no ornament could have sat there.I told him about CI operation and raised some awareness.He was interested to learn that.He wanted to ask more but he had to xray more people.*smile*
And I had to pay in the front desk for the xrays.*grumble*

Greece has a lot of expensive things AND bureaucracy.

Right now I just want to forget where I'm living.To forget that I have the farmer's insurance in Greece , which is the WORSE insurance in Greece.It won't even cover ANY of my dental plans ( much less any of CI related stuff , except for CI operation ) , and I discovered it this afternoon , it definitely won't cover the braces I need.Or the wisdom teeth removal that I'll go under in Nov.So my family has to fork over the money , just because.

Whew , I feel a lot better.But I also don't want to burden anyone else.Sorry.But I just want to take it off.

I just hope tomorrow will be in a positive way.Or I just had a particular bad day.