Diary of Surgery

Hmmm..Better late than never ? Consider yourself warned from the title!!

I've had my surgery , 2 years ago..and , today , as I was tidying up , I found the surgery diary I was keeping the first few days..which also is up at my Greek blog.

I've had some friends that are getting surgery or gotten it and are awaiting activation ( a mixture of Greek and abroad friends ) and since we've been talking a LOT abt pre-op , and post op, I decided to translate - with edits here and there , my Greek surgery post diary , for the people here that might want to see the differences, and know my history! ( it's heavily edited though , to protect some people , sorry )

1) Here , we do at least some days' stay , post op.When I heard that some of my friends abroad left the same night , I was SPEECHLESS.Wow.

2) Post op care varies from surgeon to surgeon.Mine forbade me ALL summer of any water activity.

3) Names , and other stuff that is a bit more private for me has been edited out.

Tuesday , May 20th 2008



College...in lecture..I had been trying to set a op date , but my parents' interfering had me , pull my hair out, and I had given up..So , instead of thinking abt the op , I decide to set my mind to the lesson ( almost completely deaf though , there wasn't much hope of it.My HA wasn't helping me much. ).I notice the professor giving me the evil eye.What did I do now?I notice also some violent vibrating.UGH.Mom?Doesn't she know that I'm in a lecture?I press reject button.She'll get the message.Professor gives me the evil eye.I know I've been blacklisted.*sigh*

Life doesn't go well for me lately, I think.I try to do the coding exercise ( Java treeing , amazing how I STILL remember that , even 2 yrs post op! ) when my cell phone starts up again.I reject.Doesn't she knows that I CANT pick it up , since I can't hear?!?!?! I sent a silent prayer that she'll send a text message.Then I recall its spring.Uh-oh.Something's up with my family??What?

Ding.Text message " Audie just called.Your op is day after tomorrow.you have to be at hospital before 2 pm TODAY."I gape at the phone.WTF! I look at lab pc's clock.12 pm.And my home is 2 hrs distance via bus.GREAT.I'm starting to hyperventilate.I get up and collect everything pell mell into my bag, and professor comes up.Thankfully , I had warned him abt the op some days back, so he just nods and reminds me to bring a notice from doctor.

At the bus homeward where I have to pick up my insurance things , I realize two things.One , I hadn't paid my cell phone bill ( what else is new , I'm a bit terrible w bills ) so I can't text mum back , and everyone looks at me with my ringing phone , mum thinking I didn't get the text.urgh.I get beet red.Fortunately the driver sees pity at me , and picks it up , tells my mother I'm already homeward , and going to hospital ( I knew him ) and that stops stupid phone ringing.Also , in my panic and hyperventilating , I forgot some of the books , and my USB flash drive.urrrgh.Oh well , no time to go back!

I get a taxi straight to home from railway station , leave my things ,get what I need and I get the same taxi ( told the taxi driver to wait ) to the hospital.I arrive just as the admission office is shutting down.Ack.A quick explain , and some jotting , they tell me they'll do the proccess first thing tomorrow and to bring my papers then.I go up to audies, tell him I've done admission, and he tells me , fast up , come first thing tomorrow at nine am.

I then , get on a ride bus back to college , which , with a lot of people getting off work , was three hr drive just to get there , and , thank god for small mercies , I find ALL my things.

Home.Exhausted.Beyond belief.And I have to warn in.Have to send emails.Too exhausted to think though.I manage to phone my parents , arrange college affairs , warn my online friends( Greek , back then , I never had thought to research on CI abroad community back then ).

Pass out.Dressed.In front of laptop.I manage to wake up , eat something , put away laptop and change for bed.



Wednesday , 21st May 2008


I wake up with a jerk , and I see the clock.( it always vibrated at half past six , to get ready for college )

I remember it's my godmothers nameday , I have to phone her later...then it sinks..OH MY GOD.I have to be at hospital later.So , no breakfast.Uh.And I haven't packed.I feel a bit nervous.I start packing , but in my nervousness , I don't even recall what I put in.I'm close to throwing up, it isn't only CI , but my first operation in general , so I was scared.I wanted to call the whole thing off.Deep breaths.Don't think abt it.

I recall my list.I had planned to prepare meals , and freeze them.Well , no time for that.Maybe mom can do that.I boot up laptop , load it with LOTS of viewing material.While it downloads it , I'm off for a shower , and to pick up bread & milk , my parents were going to come in , but they didn't know where bakery was , or they wouldn't have time.The morning walk to the bakery and back calmed my nerves a bit.I also have picked up breakfast - cocoa milk , sesame bread , to eat after my blood draws.I get home , freeze the extra bread , grab my bag , and I get going.

Bus stop , waiting for bus to go to the hospital , I realize I forgot my insurance papers.Urgh.I backtrack.Again at the bus stop , I realize I am without my overnight bag.Ack.Leave it , I'll tell my parents to bring it.Or someone will bring it...My mind is playing games with me ?

Hospital.Admission and pre - op stuff.Know the staff that will operate me.Anesthiologist.Cardiologist.Nurse ( he was male ) , doctors.I get my pressure taken.I tell them I have LBP.They don't believe me .Well , I was stressed , and it hasn't sunk in yet , but I don't talk.( Yes , now that you know me , you'll find it strange.But back then , I was more shy. )

I was feeling scared.My parents haven't arrived yet , they got stuck.Everything LITERALLY last minute.

First blood draw.Ouch.Well , at least I can eat something now.Uh , no time.Resident ENT comes in , and says , I'll show you where you staying.Women's ward , ENT wing , 8 beds.Most are full.I leave my papers and some other things , and I get my breakfast and pocketbook , to his office, where I reply all his questions while eating.He asks me , are you worried, stressed abt the op.I say , well yes , but also with the time frame you've given me , I 'm run off my feet!! He laughs.

He walks me back to my ward , and says , wait here for cardiologist.I finish my milk and throw it in the trash.In the meantime , the other patients want to know what I'm in for.We start talking , when I find another CI patient , with who we've talked over the net.I get excited and camp out to see if I can meet her in real life.Cardiologist comes in , does her stuff , says your pressure is fine.I try to compose an answer , but she's already gone.ack.Oh well.doesn't matter I though ( apparently , I was WRONG! )

My parents arrive and , at the same time , CI patient who is discharged so , I introduce myself and my parents to her.We talk for awhile , and we're excited.Lots of advice.My parents talk with Head ENT , who takes me in to examine me , and says everything is clear.It finally starts to sink in.I want to panic , hyperventilate , but I suppress it.I don't want to cause a scene.Plus , it was my own choice.Wasn't it?

I still hadn't done the chest x-ray to confirm I'm not sick, and to see anaesthiologist and surgeon.That is SLOW.My parents get impatient, and I tell them , go home , I can handle it here.

They leave , and I'm starting to get antsy.I can't sit still even at home ( yeah , you know it ) so , stress , and anxiety made me even more so.I start walking all over the ward , and when the other people complain , I go for a walk at the hallway.LOL.

Oops.Some of the blood draw got wasted , they dropped some of the vials , and needed some more.Sit down.Yes ma'am.
I talk with CI friend , she's talking my ear off , haha.She probably tries to make me sit.LOL.Uh , oh , another blood draw? What are you nurse , draculas ? Your sugar was a bit high , so we're retaking blood.OF COURSE it would be high , I had eaten breakfast.Nurse replies , you didn't tell.Well I hadn't time , you came in sat me down and left again.

Anaesthiologist comes in, cross checkes history , takes his leave after asking some extra q's.I say the other patients at the ward , I'm going for a walk , I'm getting nuts , plus , I wanted to think.

I get back , and go for X-ray , and I talk with the surgeon.Pre op finally done , and it's already past lunchtime.I manage to persuade resident doc to let me go , and I get home , finish packing , make some dinner , and I get back to the hospital at 8 pm, after some more internet talking , and I feel calmer , I talk with mom too.I tell her its no point to come with me , come tomorrow for surgery around seven or so?

The hospital bed is hard , plus , I keep waking up , with the nurses constantly coming in the ward to tend to the other patients.



Thursday 22th May 2008


Nurse's aide wakes me up at seven , and she gives me a calming pill.Which never WORKED.I was SO nervous.I started again walking all the ward , and when I get kicked out , the hallway.Does that make you remember something ? :P I get some last pre op stuff done , and around 8 or so , my parents come in..A nurse brings in the surgery clothes..uuuuh , how do you wear these?
I start joking that with these I'm all ready for psych ward , and everyone laughs!

I got in OR around 8:45.I feel something pinching my left hand..Ouch!The team's trying to put the cardio monitor stuff , but I get shy and hide my chest.Well they conked me out a bit earlier.

Deep breaths...count to ten..OK..one , two , three , five ( I remember skipping 4 and everyone laughs ) I start getting dizzy , I say six...I see this huge mask...and..I don't remember anything else!!

I saw SO weird dreams , I still remember them.Suddenly , I feel hands on me ..Wasn't I in cloud nine ? someone pushing me , slapping me gently...I want to sleep some more mum, I wanna say..but I notice , my mouth can't move much..I try to open one eye..I see something green ( I can't see without glasses much! ) then , my brain feeds me with memories..Jolt awake! The op , the running off , EVERYTHING.I think..I DID it.I pick up my free hand..and I pat myself , yup , bandage here.I start grinning.The doctors wanted me to frown , smile , do some expressions , to see if my side was ok , and , I was grinning.LOL.I did it!

I got disconnected from all the paraphernalia , and get wheeled in my room.While I try to crawl in my hospital bed , I think..whoa , I'm in a HIGH.No wonder druggies are ADDICTED!LOL.I couldn't make a coherent word.Nurse says that I'm not allowed to sleep for two hours , and that I should keep the oxygen mask on my face.They connect me with some saline , and I HATE that.I want my hands free , but I can't protest at all , seeing that I'm completely out of it!

Mum , in an attempt to keep me awake , gives me my cell phone , to start texting..I give it back , saying I can't..since I hadn't paid it.she gives it back , and gives her phone too.LOL! ( afterwards she complained of a high bill! ROFL ) I send the first text , but it was completely blank.Wow.I'm too out of it.she texts back with a question mark.I manage to stumble a response.I'm out.I'm ok.I'm drugged up.She replies back with a LOL, and goes to alert some common friends via net.I managed to text everyone , LOL, and by then , I was allowed to sleep!

Dad left straight back for his work , and mom stayed with me at the hospital , to look after me.I got in a 2 hour nap , and then nurse wakes me up in the attempt , to put some IV medicines.She also brings me some hot tea to drink.I DETEST tea.I drink some though.I couldn't feel the taste.My tongue is completely NUMB.


I even had some visitors the same day.I was feeling better by afternoon , but I didn't dare get up, I was feeling VERY weak ,very dizzy.
Kept napping and waking up and texting...and feeling nauseus!!



Friday , 23rd May 2008

I was feeling a LOT better , I could again talk , text , but I didn't dare get up.I was trying to sit up and getting really dizzy.It was a bit frustrating for me.
I was feeling really out of it , and my apetite was coming back , so I managed some soup.I even got a visit from my brother , and we did a walk around evening , with him supporting me.after that walk , I was feeling FINE , just I tired more easily!



Saturday, 24rd May 2008

I finally was back to my old self..exhausted , but back to normal.Except one thing.That bandage was driving me TOTALLY up the wall , TOTALLY bonkers.It was SO tight , and I'd had already developed sores.I was feeling so normal that I told mom there isn't point of her staying all day anymore , just visit me in afternoons , bring me books etc.I even requested the laptop to see my movies , etc.I was getting BORED.
IV was also driving me up the wall , I kept changing positions in the arm since my vein kept blowing.UGH! I wanted to be DONE with it and OUT of the hospital.

I even managed to go to toilet without ANY help.Even shower.I even was feeling some taste back.( it completely came back after two months )

I didn't request a painkiller that night , bc I was feeling overdrugged! Well , I came to regret it! By two am I was hurting quite a lot , but I didn't talk , just tried to sleep.They had told me when I wouldn't need IV painkillers I'd get the bandage removed.And I wanted that thing OFF!


Sunday , 25th May 2008

I woke up really early , around 6 am from some noise , which I translated in an Enduro motorbike.LOL.I was wondering why I was hearing that , ( I didn't know abt tinnitus , or the need of brain to make ghost noises back then ) and my back was KILLING me , so I got up for a walk , and I even did some gym routine , see if I could relieve my back.I had seen myself , and I was looking like an extremely sad puppy.aaah...*sniffle*

I made it back and slept some more , and when I woke up , I requested to get the bandage removed.No, wait till head doctor gives say so.UGH!I was so sad and annoyed I didn't want to talk with ANYONE.

This afternoon I had a visit from the kiddos and their mother..they weren't expecting to see me like this.S , even brought me a painting ( which I still have! ) , I give them juices and sweets from other visitors and we talk.I get up for a bathroom break , and in the hall way , I meet the resident doctor , ad I grumbled to him abt the bandage.They told me then that I had some serious bleeding , and they were keeping me in and bandaged as precaution.Um , nice to know THREE days later.NOT.I even learn they were thinking of doing something , but I proved not needing it..I asked some questions , and it ends up , if they listened to me , we'd avoided the whole mess.I grumble again and they said I'd get the bandage off Tuesday.I get annoyed and walk back to my ward , and start joking with my visitors , etc.

Around evening , they leave off , and mum comes in half hr later, with my laptop.Finally , I wouldn't be bored out of my mind!

Monday , 26th May 2008

I had resigned myself that I wouldn't get that bandage off till Tues.BOTH my ears were in pain , I had operated the left , but they had tied the bandage behind right so it wouldn't slip , so I was feeling CRAP.Not to mention I had gotten sores.urgh.

I was trying to see House MD on my laptop , when audie comes in for a visit.He asks me what I'm doing.I'm dying of boredom I say.His answer..lets get your bandage off.Needless to say I followed him!

I get that off..when I smell antiseptics with clear spirits I almost fainted..I managed to hold on...Whew!!

Activation...WTF ? Four days early...but back then , I didn't knew..

he shows me how to assemble it , how to wear it , and he starts the activation proccess..it was an experience I will NEVER forget.Never.Even my stomach vibrated!

Mum was beyond herself.Almost crying.Walking back to my ward..I could hear a lot of things..after awhile , it got a bit too much , and pulled it off..but I was glowing!

I even could hear myself kissing my brother...wow..what a SOUND!

I got discharged from hospital two days later.*smile*

Summer is coming...

I haven't posted for 3 months..bad me!

I'll do a bullet update again

• Braces : I get them tightened every month.Got the last tightening yesterday and it's been the most painful since I got them.Orthodentist ( is that even a word? ) said since I was doing really well and they got straighter so soon that he'll tighten them a bit more than last time.And I let him.What was I thinking?!?! I couldn't even eat my soft spaghetti.Thank god for ice - cream!!!
  
• CI : I recently got toupee tape from Tammy ( she also included some cables that Aiden didn't need any more , aww , I want to thank her so so so much! ) and since then it's been a charm.The sunglasses pose a problem though sometimes.I don't like lopsided.Oh well cant have everything I guess.On the battery issue I posted a while back - my brown battery got broken the same way - grey prongs off!And it's off warranty.And...I don't have any money to get new one...*sigh* it does work though if I tape it.
  
• Speech therapy : We're doing some oral motor stuff , and AVT stuff.So far , I can pick more things , but I can tell I need a mapping , and soon.Haven't gone since last year ( at my 8 month actually ) , and I celebrated my 2nd hearing birthday few days ago..But , again , I don't like change much , and I don't want to go to my audie since I don't like him.Other people here love him , but it doesn't take much in my book to dislike someone. Phone exercise gets frustrating though.I don't have anyone to exercise at home , and speech's phone ( a wireless one ) sounds really tinny sometimes.Plus , on my previous mapping I could understand my mom on the phone.Nada now.And I don't speak up as often as I should.My online friends will find that weird ,but in life I'm terribly shy.I speak yes , but I don't stand up for myself and let people talk/walk over me , claiming they know best for me.
• N5 : It finally came to Greece in late April , and I went to see it up close 2 weeks ago.it seemed so TINY and thin!! I tried it on my ear and it was like , whoa , I feel like I don't wear much.it was a welcome change from bulky freedom.I did ask a lot of questions at private CI centre , and they told me that it won't get approved since my insurance will not do it till warranty on my Freedom has run out, and they take the extending one too,so it won't be for 5 yrs(I've done 2 of them though..another three to go, and by then , Cochlear might have something better anyway... ) .urgh.I asked the price of one , to get it maybe privately.Not gonna happen since the price is 10,500€ and it's a bit too much.I maybe could get a loan , but not possible right now since I don't have a job.I really wish I could do it though.
• Blogging : Sorry I slacked , but I follow all your blogs faithfully , and follow most of you through FB and I prefer to comment on there.Or Skype,emailing :) I do have a story to tell , but sometimes I feel shy and don't write.Maybe I should do write.We'll see.
• CI art : There was some wanting on FB for CI art , and I made some clay items and submitted them , which are posted here.
• CI moments : I've had a lot of them , but the most profound one was when I skyped someone on video , and I heard her asking me " How are you ? " in English, when my first language is Greek , and I haven't trained in English since , I want to master Greek first.It was a bit overwhelming to catch that , even if it was a bit crackly.

But even if I don't respond..or be as involved in the blogworld as I used to be..I still share my moments with CI friends , people that were with me since this long journey started.Since I got in this...I've done amazing things.I changed , and let myself wonder at the miracle of hearing BETTER , listening, reconnecting, connecting with people.I've made a great network of great friends , and some closer ones.I value each one's friendship , and be amazed abt that too.Amazed for hearing a sound, and few moments later , FB-ing it , only to get cheered up , and feel more happy thinking , I've got people that they 'get' it.They care.And they're in corners of the world.Singapore, USA , UK , Germany , NZ , Australia.Far flung corners( at least for me! ).

Hugz!

Ooooohhhh!!!

I went to Athens again for a friends' wedding , via train...as the daytime train chugged due south , I enjoyed the scenery that was rolling from thw window , listening to music that was spewing from my PSP ( which I use as an mp3 player ) when suddenly the music stopped.at first I didn't even investigate it , thinking I was between songs.

As the pause grew longer , I thought that maybe my PSP had turned itself off.Weird , as I had taken care of charging it fully the night before , in preparation for the 4 hour ride.So I opened my bag , only to see that it was still actively playing..

What had happened? at first I thought..Hmm faulty coil? as I searched my head for the magnet that adorns my hair , I couldn't find it.My coil had popped off without me even getting wind of it.

That was unnerving me , as I had become used to the constant tugging of the coil.That made me wonder.What is the right way to wear the coil ? When you feel a little tightness or when you don't feel it at all and only thing to notice it has popped off is the clue you don't hear anymore?

What made me chuckle was that I immediately didn't even think to investigate the CI , but my music player first and then I did remember it.

Maybe it is finally becoming something I'm not anymore conscious of.Is that good or bad? I don't know , the only thing that I know is that makes me feel like I've achieved some step at last!

If only the weight problem could be magically rectified , I'd be happy!

CI relationship status?

Since Kylie dearest sent me two pouches and a long coil , I've been utilizing them as needed..

It's a choreography..when I'm about to go walking for losing weight , I'll pull on the pouch and long coil.

When I'm about to go to college , I'll wear the long coil for the ride with pushes and shoves, and will switch to short one when I'm in my seat.Off it goes to the way back.

When I had to cook I used the short coil with an hairband that I have , and sent Lissy the same too.Long coil sometimes flies off and dangles.It goes on again for me to do the washing up.

I have a special pocket in my bag,it houses the music cord , and whichever coil I'm not wearing , a pack of six pack batteries , and a battery cage , and also the 2nd charged to go rechargeable for my CI.Oh , and the hands free for my cell phone , which connects to my music cord so I can make and HEAR calls.

Anyway , back to subject.CI isn't only for the active life , like Kylie mentions , it's also for the pack mules.LOL , yeah , you heard me right! I was armed for my short weekend away ,laptop bag on back , usual bag at my front , carrying a non-wheelie suitcase.Which was HEAVY.Ahem , lopsided.

If I had short coil I'd had tucked away the CI, in my bag, I'm not willing to lose it.

Long coil , no problem.I carried everything.Coil flipped off couple times and I didn't even made a wild grab , to let anything drop , or make me inattentive to road hazards.I just waited till I was in safe ground , and calmly popped it into place.It gave me a feeling of peaceful.Stress levels alarmingly low , like my HA.

And that put me in thought.

When I was first activated , I hated it.I loved it.Can u say confused? Missed my HA.Terribly.I didn't miss it too much either.For a few weeks I was going around with a piece of felt wool , replacing feeling of earmold.I had felt like they had gotten something away for me.And I eventually broke of the habit , when I started to get ridiculed.

But I hated the weight of CI..it was bulky.Weighty.My ear was sore.I wore it when I had to , and didn't wore it at home , trying to get my poor ear a break.

I also hated CI for the hole it made in my pocket with batteries.With my HA , it was just a pack of batteries every month.Now I ate through them like crazy , I'd need a 60 pack a month.Suddenly I was overwhelmed.I also kept losing new or old pieces of em , crawling in places to get them.Yes, I've even tried to crawl into driver's cubicle in college bus.The old ones always went to recycle.

As you see , I hated CI with passion , and I loved it with equal passion for almost to up to a year.

Now I just find myself , not only thanks to Kylie for her solution , but for my own choreography.For opting into rechargeables, and , yes , I'm aware they 'll die in a years' time , but in the meantime I've have already invested into another pair of them.

Today I heard a bit of scrounching , which was when the bus driver put his foot down to start the bus gently.

Pre pouch , I'd always be deaf , jostling made me fearing to lose it.Now I just don't care.

I managed to hear more sounds today than any other time , and the whole day I had gone shoulder way.I slept on the train with CI on so I could hear my stop announcing.I had a nap with it on and heard my cell phone going off , a text to go out , to have fun.

In the Metro ( tube for anyone that can't understand ) I could hear BOTH in Greek and English the announcements for each stop.And I wasn't EVEN paying attention.

A few months ago , when I 'd remove my CI I'd feel relief.Flooded with it for finally it the time to get it into the Dry n Store and feel like I wasn't in hyperdrive anymore.With not having to put up with it any more.

Now , when I remove it, I just feel a sense of loss , taking a sense away from me.When the battery finishes on it s own , and I won't replace it as it's already bedtime, I feel lost.

Now if tinnitus wasn't welcoming in both sides of that world , I'd finally get a bit of decent sleep.I've managed some brief pockets here and there , but nothing more than a week.

I find myself in the position to say..I did choose well with the naming of that blog.It's fitting.Sound of Cochlear Implant.

It's something so precious , and so simple too in the same time!

Christmassy post -- part one

So , today I decided to decorate my apartment.It's almost Christmas.

It was fun!

Did you know that most tree lights have music coming out of them , even if it's tinny?

I didn't *chuckle* , but it definitely was a CI moment.I was like searching for the radio remote..was thinking I had left the radio open *LOL*

Did you know that if you hit 2 decoration balls together they clink very softly.

I did knew , I was told of it , but never HEARD of it.not until today.YAY!

Did you know that most of my christmas stuff had some sort of song?

I just got aware of that fact.

After I sat , looking at the tree..I got aware of one sad fact..I don't have any pictures to take you.My cell phone camera is pretty crappy.

So , I decided to do my wishlist.And I compared my differences.Every year , I'd have , a long list.Year after year. I'd want a lot of things that I didn't have.

This year seems so different.only 4 or 5 things are on my list.and most are things that WILL make my life easier. Like some door alerting stuff , as when I'm in my apartment , I have CI off to relax after college.Like the FM system.Or the rechargeables.Or like a good replacement camera for the stolen one.

It is a short list.

But year after year , I always hope I would have them.This year, I do know I won't have them.Not unless I do it myself.

But I wish , there was some christmas magic, to find some unknown pressies under the tree, just for having some of the magic.

I need that magic.But everyone says that I'm an adult now and have to behave accordingly.And adults don't have magic.

So I'm looking and looking.When someone sees me looking at these things , I always say , they're not for me.For a friend.Lie.But , I don't want for once to say that I need or want these things, as when I told them I was always admonished.

So , I just go along , try to find myself.But sometimes a little magic help is appreciated.and needed.

Sorry if this post is a little upper or downer, you choose.

Or maybe I read a bit too much Harry Potter books and fanfiction.But it's a proud addiction of me.Fantasy and sci-fi books enthrall me , bring me to other worlds , that my problems simply don't exist.

But my secret wish is this.To wake up in Christmas , and find presents under the tree.And they will be just *what* I need and want.And even that , to find that happiness , like a child , is just invaluable.